Chapter 21

This chapter contains letters that Mr. Pearle wrote to his sons and Mrs. Pearle wrote to her daughters.  Here are some good excerpts from Mr. Pearle's letter:

"Be sure to cultivate your relationship with your wife.  Meet her needs.  Make her happy.  Her state of mind is going to be 50% of your children's example, and 100% when you are not there.  If you will love and cherish your wife, the children will love and cherish her also.  If you are a servant to her, your example will translate to their experience."

"Don't marry a lazy, slothful girl.  Beauty can get mighty old lying up in bed, framed in a disheveled, griping, slothful pout.  Whatever you do, avoid a lazy girl.  If she expects to be waited on, let her marry a waiter.  You will have a full job rearing the children without having to rear a wife."

"Don't put yourself in an occupational position that will leave you out of position to be a good father.  If you gain the whole world and lose your child's soul, what profit is it?  Some workaholics will say they are doing it for their children-providing security, a good education, etc.  Why is it that the children of hard-working, absent fathers never appreciate their sacrifice, and even show disdain and contempt for their father's success?  The reason is that children are not fooled.  They understand their father's absence to be selfishness on his part and lack of interest in them.  They see their father getting more satisfaction from his job than from their presence.  Whether this be true or not, the results are the same."

"The modern concept of "quality" time as opposed to "quantity," is a salve for the consciences of modern parents thoroughly wrapped up in worldy pursuits.  A scheduled hour of clinical-like attention makes your "quality time" nothing more than the fulfillment of a business appointment-a therapy session.   Your best time together will be that which is spent in real struggles to achieve common goals.  A child will build self-worth, not by being the center of attention in idle chatter, but by actually conquering a real-world need-putting up a mail box, cutting the grass, etc."

"As soon as your first child is born, begin your role as father.  Relieve your tired wife for a couple of hours a day by taking the infant and attending to all his needs.  When I was newly married, I expected my wife to be a "super" woman.  I soon learned that if she were going to last through several more childbirths-and, that in good spirits-she was going to need a lot of support.  Treat your wife as a delicate flower, and she will "bloom" with energy to be a more giving mother."