Chapter 9: Beggars Can't Be Choosers

This is a good section from the book: "A child should NEVER whine or beg.  This is an easy habit to break.  Never reward a beggar, and the begging will go away.  In our house, the one sure way of not getting your desire was to beg or whine.  We went out of our way to not reward a begging child.  You may envision such a rule being enforced in your house producing a chorus of constant wailings of injustice. The very thought of it may  make you feel like a tyrant.  If you gave it a try, being 90% consistent, you would not be satisfied with the results.  If a child ever gets his way through begging or whining, he will try it ten more times until it works again.  But, if his experience of begging proves to be counterproductive, he will soon stop wasting his energy in fruitless whining.  When beggars can't choose, they choose not to beg."

Review: My Bondage and My Freedom

This book was written by Frederick Douglass in the 1800's during slavery in America.  It is the account of his life as a slave from childhood to when he esacped around the age of thirty.  I wanted to read this book because it is a 'classic' and thought it would make me smarter by reading it.  : )  By I soon discovered I was in for more than I'd bargained for as I read chapter after chapter of the horrors of slavery.  I remember glancing at the subject of slavery in school, but not really diving into the subject.  As I read through the book I kept thinking, "this is America's Holocaust."  Only slavery lasted for over 200 years!  Douglass' stories of beatings, rape, and outright murder were heart-wrenching, but the part that made me the most sick over slavery is what it did to the family--the backbone of society, and the human soul, all while the "church" condoned this evil. 

"This is American slavery; no marriage--no education--the light of the gospel shut out from the dark mind of the bondman--and he forbidden by law to learn to read.  If a mother shall teach her children to read, the law in Louisiana proclaims that she may be hanged by the neck.  If the father attempts to give his son a knowledge of letters, he may be punished by the whip in one instance, and in another be killed, at the discretion of the court.  Three millions of people shut out from the light of knowledge!  It is easy for you to conceive the evil that must result from such a state of things." 

It is truly an act of God that somewhere along the way Douglass found the true gospel and believed it! And God used him in mighty ways!  

If you're like me and can't afford Spanx....

After having my second baby I'd really been wanting to try some Spanx, but they're only affordable for the rich and famous.  Fortunately, the same maker came out with a line that the average person can buy.  I tried them out and they work great!  They're called Assets and you can buy them on-line and in some stores.  The pair I bought runs from my rib cage down to just above my knee.  I didn't find them to be uncomfortable like some other brands, and everything was held snuggly in place.  : ) 

The Little Black Book

This is THE most disgusting thing I've ever read, and they handed it out to teenagers!  I realize this was just in Massachusetts, but if parents aren't involved in what's going on in their children's schools, your child could be bringing home this filth next.

http://www.massresistance.org/docs/issues/black_book/black_book_inside.html#top

Meet the GOP Contenders

CNN hosted last night's Republican presidentian debate.  Though I wouldn't call it a debate--it was very polite, and actually fun to watch.  It was my first time hearing many of them speak, I enjoyed hearing what Michele Bachman and Newt Gingrich had to say.  Even though I don't think he has a chance at the nomination, Ron Paul stuck out the most to me.  If you want to know anything about Ron Paul, it's that if it's not in the Constitution, the government should not have their hand in it.  Take "policing the world" and Medicare/Social Security for example.  Paul doesn't think we should have any of our military in any other countries--unless we're getting paid for it.  For example: does anybody know why we're in Libya??  I thought Obama and his hippie friends were anti-war??  And it can't be because we are humanitarians and are helping end Gadhafi's rule, otherwise why aren't we in places like Haiti, helping rebuild their country and protecting the thousands of woman who are getting raped in those tent cities?  Why aren't we policing the abominable sex-trade that is going on in several countries?  Why aren't we marching into North Korea to free those brain-washed, starved people who can't even leave their own town with the government's permission?!  And why are we protecting borders in the Middle East but not our own border between us and Mexico!!?    Last week in an interview Paul was asked what should be done about the sick and the elderly since he doesn't believe the government should fund things like Medicare.  He said it should be the church's responsibility.  He's the only politician that I've ever heard say that and I think he's exactly right.  No matter who our next president is, one man/woman is not the answer to our nation's problems, they won't be able to fix them all.  But we do have the answers to all of the nation's problems AND all of life's problems; and they are found in the bible and in Jesus.  The bible says that we need to treat others as we would want to be treated, and to care for the widow and the orphans.  I believe if Christians tithed the way we are supposed to, the church would have enough money to deal with our nation's social issues.  But because of the church's lack of faith and obedience, the government has stepped in and has instituted unsustainable programs like medicare and social security.  I'm calling on the CHURCH, to step up and step out in faith and obedience to God.  Don't rely on politicians for change, we must be "co-workers with God."

Chapter 6: Applying the Rod

"A spanking is made effective, not by its severity, but by its certainty.  Your CALM dignity will set the stage to make it more effective."  Spanking should never be used to vent your anger, but I think that's exactly what most parents do, which is why there are so many spanking abolitionists out there.  Parents "go through a warm-up of exercise of threats and increasing irritation until their anger generates a will to retaliate against the child.  What follows is an altercation, not Biblical chastisement."  Never use your hands for spanking.  As Pearle says, "hands are for loving, not martial arts."  Once a child is old enough to understand, the rod should be followed by reproof-an explanation of why the behavior was unacceptable and what he should do in the future.  "The rod and reproof give wisdom."  Proverbs 29:15. 

I have only been a parent for a year and a half, but there have already been a couple of "road blocks" on the road of child training.  The first one being my fear that spanking my son would make him not like me.  This couldn't be further from the truth I am happy to say.  Our son is happy, smart, obedient, and loves his mommy and daddy!  The second is other people's opinions.  Due to generations of people being belted or spanked in rages from their parents, spanking has got a bad rap.  I remember when we were first training our son to be obedient when we told him "no."  He really liked messing with plug-ins and electrical cords, which is dangerous of course.  We would tell him no and slap his hand with a small ruler.  Soon he learned to obey well and when people would ask us why he listens so well we would tell them because we've trained him by swatting his hand and people would say things like, "oh, you don't spank that poor baby, do you??"  So then I would feel really guilty.  But if we didn't bother training him and let him touch whatever he wanted and become a nuisance by having to tell him "no" over and over again, people would judge us on that too.  So for lack of a better term, I felt "damned if I do, and damned if I don't"!!  Thankfully, I think I'm about to the point where I don't care what people think anymore about the spanking issue because proof is in the pudding!  : )

Chapter 5: The Rod

Many parents today, even christian parents, think that spanking is cruel and unusual punishment.  Most likely because they had bad experiences with spankings as a child (probably due to inconsistent, angry discipline of the part of their parents), the media and child pysichiatrists tell us it "damages the child's self-esteem", or the parent "loves their child too much to spank them."  But the bible says, "He who spares the rod HATES his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."  Proverbs 13:24. 
-Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.  Proverbs 19:18
-Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.  Proverbs 22:15
-Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.  Punish him with the rod and save him soul from death.  Proverbs 23:13-14.
-The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.  Proverbs 29:15  (how many kids do you know who are "left to himself" in the name of being a "free spirit")!
-Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.  Proverbs 29:17.
I understand why people came from miles around to hear the wisdom of Solomon!  God is our parent, and we are the parents of these little souls that He entrusts to us.  Therefore, we need to parent our children as God "parents" us.  When we have an attitude/behavior or sin that God wants to work out in us, He doesn't give us a hug and a cookie and hope that we'll grow out of it, He trains and disciplines so we can be free of those behaviors, and often times this can be difficult and painful.  "The Lord disciplines those He loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.  Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.  For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons."  Hebrews 12:6-8.

Chapter 4: Tying Strings

Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  This chapter is about the bonds or "strings" that members of a family share: love, respect, honor; and what to do if those strings get cut.  "Parent, if you are having problems with your children, you can be certain that you are not alone.  Your children are also having problems with you.  Since you are the more experienced of the two, and since God didn't say, "Children, train up your parents," the responsibility for making a significant change is completely yours."  -Michael Pearl.   If you feel the strings of fellowship with your child has been cut, first humble yourself and ask their forgiveness, than Pearl suggests a few things: Look at your children with pleasure and smile at them, enjoy their company and demonstrate it by inviting them to go with you when the only reson is a desire to have them with you, sit on the floor and play, take them on outings of adventure, let them lead you out to the yard to show off their latest stunt, build something together.  Mothers, teach your children to do everything that must be done in the house and make it fun. Fathers, involve your sons in the manly role of protector and provider and brag on their achievements.

Chapter 3: Parental Anger

Do you ever get angry at your children?  Most parents wait to discipline their children until the irritation builds into anger, and this is confusing for a child.  This is why training for immediate obedience is so important, for the child and for you!  It's easier said than done, of course.  But it's so much easier to train and discipline at the first offense instead of telling your child to do something over and over again until you have steam coming out of your ears! 

Chapter 2: Childish Nature

The chapter begins with a story of a mother struggling with her toddler to sit still during church.  The child is fussy and making angry noises as his mother tries to get him to sit still so he won't disturb others.  Pearl asks, "What is the driving force in this child, and how can it be conquered?"  Humans begin life in innocent self-centeredness, but it is the foundation of sin so it must be dealt with.  It's hard to believe those cute little bundles of joy can learn to manipulate their surroundings to get what they want, but they sure figure it out quickly!  I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby and I read all of the books that woman read while pregnant.  And 99% of them tell woman that when their baby cries they should pick it up immediately because otherwise it won't bond with you.  This didn't seem right to me, so I was thankful when I discovered the book, "My First 300 Babies," by Gladys West Hendrick (another book I recommend).  Going along the lines with training out the self-centeredness, she talks about how families are told that they need to acclimate to the baby's schedule but in reality, the baby needs to acclimate to the family's schedule---THANK YOU!!!  We had no idea what we were doing when we brought our first baby home, and I've found it such a relief that we've discovered the "secret" that you CAN train your children to be blessings from the moment you bring them home and don't have to wait until they reach the "Terrible Two's"! (which I'm confident will be non-existent in our children, praise the Lord)!

Chapter 1

I want to encourage everyone to read this book.  It has hundreds of bad marks on Amazon.com, but I think those people probably didn't even read the book...  If there are things in the book you don't like, then just take what you can from the book and leave the rest.  As Mr. Pearls says, by the grace of God and through the simple, biblical principles and with determiniation and an open heart, you can train up children who bring you joy and honor.  I hear a lot from people who say that babies can not be trained.  I dissagree.  We have an 18-month old and around 10 months old, I knew that he understood the word, "no" and certain other commands.  Training at such a young age is necessary to eliminate the need for disicpline later.  Two things we've used frequently from this chapter are giving commands in a normal voice, and NOT child-proofing our home.  Mr Pearls says, "If you raise your voice when giving a command to your child, he will learn to associate your tone and sound level with your intention.  If you have trained him to respond to a bellow, don't blame him if he ignores your first 13 calm "suggestions" while waiting for your fevered pitch to reach the point where he interprets it to be a real command."  This is hard to do of course, especially when you're frustrated.  It also goes along with the, "I'm going to count to 3 and then you're getting a spanking!"  I hate it when parents do that, it trains the child that they have three more seconds that they can be disobedient!!  : )  On training not to touch, Mr. Pearl gives a great analogy of the Garden of Eden.  When God wanted to "train" Adam and Eve, he didn't put the forbidden tree up on a shelf or back in the corner of the garden where it's out of sight, He put it right in the middle, where they would see it and be tempted by it.  When you child-proof the home, the child is lead to believe that the only objects that are off-limits are the ones that are out of reach.  This becomes a problem when you're at someone else's home, the grocery store, etc.  When our son was about 11 months old, he just couldn't keep his hands away from the light sockets, of which we have many in our house.  The first time he tried to touch it we told him "no."  Then every time after that if he went to touch it we swatted his hand.  It did take him several days to get the picture, but now we can leave the room with the assuarnce that he won't be sticking his finger in the light socket!